Argus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging

“I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race” ~Calvin Coolidge

“Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?” ~Ben Franklin

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Ah, there's nothing quite like a seemingly meaningless or befuddled phrase to attract attention!

I've been absent (in many senses of the word) for quite awhile..... i'd love to give some sort of meaningful explanation that was ripe with elegance and adventure, but alas, there really isn't any.... at least anything *good*. No, I wasn't out building orphanages in the Congo or working with Tim Burton on his new Gothic film adaptation of the venerable Teletubbies tv series (yep, the show that you loved to get high to and laugh your ass off will now send you into a terror-induced coma)....

I merely needed to get *away*.....re-charge (so far, that really isn't completed yet...but hell, at least i'm writing). I think we all, at some point another, need to take a break from our interests, our loves, even our friends. But for me it has always been a notorious habit, of sorts. Few understand it, myself included. I love to throw myself into tasks.....i'll devote myself to projects, relationships, new hobbies, novels, writing and just about anything I can get my sponge-like consciousness around until I totally burn out. Then I run....far away....quickly! I've always wondered whether or not this is some sort of character flaw, but really.....who has the time to sort *that* out?? There is such a good growing list of flaws out there, i'm not sure if I can get to this one any time soon ;)

So there you have it.......and while I was thoughtfully belching over the reasons for my absence (fear of commitment?) the philosophic argument of "Talent vs. Perseverance" began to float through my mind. Mozart performed first at age 6.....Bjork began classical studies at 5, Stevie Wonder had his first US #1 hit at 13, Tiger Woods winning his first international championship at 8, and Wayne Gretsky at the age of 10 scoring 378 goals in just 85 games.

Obviously, in the above individuals there is a base innate talent that exists....but where does talent go when not utilized? Would those individuals still succeed if they had not put forth a supreme effort to get where they are today? Pare this down even further to our own life examples.... Discovering talent is difficult enough for us, in fact, most people (I believe) spend a good portion of their waking lives in the search for "what we're really good at". I think we all find examples of what we enjoy....hell, I enjoy drumming/percussion but that doesn't mean that i'll ever be the next Neil Peart or Buddy Rich....

Or does it?

How many times have you heard the expression from your parents, or a teacher "You can do anything you put your mind to"? How true is that? I mean, seriously, CAN WE??? Doesn't innate or physical talent limit us? One of the greatest human minds out there is Stephen Hawking.....

Pretty sure he isn't winning the next Ironman, no matter how hard he puts his brilliant mind to the task.

I don't really mean to be crass, just a bit blunt to raise a valid point.

We all don't have all-encompassing talents that become CRYSTAL CLEAR by the age of 5, and we all aren't blessed with an ephiphany that guides us along our life journey. Most of us have to find our talents through activities that we enjoy and put forth an effort to nurture that talent, whatever it may be. But are there limits to how far our efforts will take us? Do we have a responsibility to our children to temper our "you can do it" encouragement with realism? Or can we propel ourselves to new heights through sheer force of will and determination?

I really don't have the answer to it, and probably more than anything I wish I did. Having that sort of guidline....that insight in many ways I would think, could be the secret of life and happiness.

Personally, i've always been one to have a million interests and yet never the time (or commitment) to devote myself to any one of them exclusively. Yes, I have my work in which i'm fairly successful....but I would never consider it a "talent" or something that I would particularly ENJOY doing, given the option of other things to make a living at. As a free spirit at heart (whatever the fuck that means), part of me wants to just dive into each of my loves one-by-one for a few years with reckless abandon and see where it takes me.

So why don't I? Is it the pragmatic, practical considerations that stop me? Hell, being able to feed myself and have a family is important too.....Deciding to be a world class horticulturist/composer/nobel-prize winning author/percussion virtuoso SOUNDS fun, but has some practicality issues, I believe. Ok, Ok.....extreme example.....but really why haven't I taken the steps to follow any of those dreams?

What causes us to abandon our dreams? Do we just think we can't do it, do we not want to give the time, are we lazy or is it because we fear the commitment involved.....do we fear success?

(We=I, duh)

The jury is out, I still do not have the answers at the end of this entry. My journey exploring it continues onwards without so much as the proverbial lightbulb breaking over my head......but if I were to venture a guess, I would say that for the most part, involving most of us, it's a combination of all of the above. Life rarely throws us a fastball that we can hit out of the park.....or a sure fire stock tip or winning lottery ticket. It throws us curves, scraps of information, often conflicting and filled with choices none of which may seem wrong or right at a given time.....it gives us these random numbers in a large equasion for us to figure out the answer.

No idea what it all comes to (yet)....but there is a line in the Disney film "A Bug's Life" that i've always loved:

"....that's our lot in life. It's not a lot, but that's life."

September 25th, 1987....Philadelphia, PA

I was only 15 years old, in my sophomore year of high school. As just about anyone reading this will attest to, life was tremendously different back then. For me, the epitome of a good time was still hanging out with the guys playing baseball.....girls were interesting, to be sure, but far too much trouble and more than a bit frightening (well, I suppose some things never do change *wink*). Pretty much that was what my days consisted of.....but on this day, of summers' last hurrah, I was set to go to see U2 playing at the now defunct JFK Stadium in South Philadelphia with 100,000 other equally enthusiastic fans for their only Philly appearance supporting The Joshua Tree. But it meant far more to me than just another concert.....as I was 15 I had only really seen a few good shows up to that point. Inxs, Men At Work and yes, my very first show, Pink Floyd performing The Wall back in '81. But those shows I remembered hardly anything of, to be honest. This was far different for me.....

In fact, to set this up even more you must understand that my younger brother would go to bed every single night playing on his portable stereo just about anything from U2 until we both fell sound asleep. By the time I hit 15 I knew every U2 song from Joshua Tree and before as well as I knew how to eat and breathe. It really was ingrained into my subconscious, and I cannot imagine anything being built up to such legendary status even before it occurring than this show.

The show didn't disappoint even slightly......from the moment the first lightening bolts appeared on the side screens across the outlines of two joshua trees preceding the incredibly extended intro to "Where The Streets Have No Name", to Bruce Springsteen coming on stage and performing "Stand By Me" with the band, up to emotional ending with "40" where all 100,000 fans sang "howwwww lonnnnnnggggggg" for what seemed like an eternity. Even as we piled out into the parking lots I felt never-ending goosebumps....the kind that I believe I haven't felt since (well, at least in terms of a musical event).

We've all been there, right? Remembering moments of our youth that had such a profound effect on us that they only seem to gain momentum in our own minds and hearts....they only become greater and greater.....symbols of our childhood, when joy wasn't tempered by much.....just existing in it's purest sense.

However, these legendary moments of youth often gain the skepticism of adulthood when looked back upon. Did we *really* feel that way? Was it *really* as good as we remembered it, or is this just another example of the unbridled passion and joy of youth? Just another example of puppy love?

The Ravenclaw in me has dissected those questions over and over again....to the point of almost tarnishing something so pure. I should really be ashamed of myself.......

The validation I have been looking for though exists! I managed to do something that so very few of us ever get the chance to.....relive a moment from childhood.

This afternoon I came into possession a recording of this *exact* show that has, up until now, just existed in the faded memory of someone far older than 15. Now, I have recorded concerts for years, and collected U2 shows equally as long and *this* particular one has always been out of reach. It's not the best sounding show in comparison to others in my collection, not by a longshot....yet it is by far the most special I have ever heard.

It is, after all, an exact capture of a moment in time for me. Exactly what was heard from the ears of a 15 year old, and i'm here to tell you.....legends may be born and increase as time goes on, but that doesnt mean that they become inflated. Childhood can be remembered, and pure joy can be re-captured....if only for a few moments.

As I listen through this recording, it is *exactly* as I remember. The hairs on my arms stand straight up, chills run down my spine and that sense of total satisfaction and contentment reigns supreme within me once again. Not something i've felt since 1987, and certainly a feeling that some people would spend quite a good amount of money to artificially reproduce.

I really don't mean to build this up to something bigger than it is.......sure, it's just a rock concert...but ever since I was there on that Indian Summer night it has become the benchmark for all shows i've been to since....and truthfully, nothing has ever quite measured up. And now I can remember with audible proof exactly why that is.

The intro *was* as extended and beautiful as I remembered it....and all the major points that had always existed as legend in my mind, remain intact. Like the moment where Bruce sings along....and everyone marches out, 100,000 strong singing in unison. Good stuff.....but I also get to revisit all the subtle nuances that I had forgotten: "Bad" going on forever and ever....longer than the band ever intended because a crowd just refused to let the song die. The song lost all it's structure, but just continued to exist by the band playing a few chords in time with a unified voice. And when the band sung "People Get Ready" and brought up an unsuspecting fan to help The Edge play on guitar.....a moment in *his* lifetime that he'll never forget, just as I havent. An iconic moment, to be sure.

In the end, it becomes far more about the blurry distinctions between childhood and adulthood than just a concert. It's so easy to look back on the things we felt as children and chalk them up to silly emotions generated by a not-so fully developed emotional self. We easily tell ourselves that if we were to go back to those moments in time as adults that we wouldnt feel quite the same way, and that is rather disappointing as it invalidates those experiences that helped shape us as individuals. What this has shown me is that these experiences do not exist in direct conflict with our adult selves, but rather exist alongside. The challenge is to remember....to hold on to those experiences of childhood and never let them go...never let them fade in legend, because legends do exist...and rightfully so.

As Bono states at the very end, "Well...this is a night I wont forget. I hope you wont forget it....."

I haven't and it's good to know that it's just as intact in this memory as it ever was :)

After my bowl of Grape Nuts this morning (yes, I did just say that) I had a simple but powerful epiphany.....I really do like cereal. Quite possibly this much:

Every once in awhile we come across perspective altering events. 9/11 forever changed our perception of personal security and Columbine made us realize that maybe our chidren *aren't* safe.

The recent events in nearby Lancaster County, Pennsylvania where 10 girls were taken hostage and 5 of them executed was one of those events that forever changed me.

One might easily think, "Well, yes....of course it changed you. The most innocent of the innocent were brutally murdered. Even our babies arent safe". This, unquestionably, is true.

But that's not what i'm talking about.

I was utterly and completely amazed at the reactions of not only the Amish community, but of the direct family members of these slain children. One family invited the family of the man that killed their daughter to the funeral. The Amish Community have set up a fund *for* the children of this very man. An Amish man was even quoted as saying: (referring to the family of this man) "I hope they stay around here, and they'll have a lot of friends and a lot of support." They have said the very next day that they forgive him as he "had problems of the heart".

I'm just stunned at this. The Amish faith allows them to forgive the most hateful crimes, the most diabolical people.

This is just beyond beautiful.......it's art. It is inner beauty and peace that allows them to do this. It is this unwavering ability to rely on their faith to pull them through even these most tragic times. I listen to their responses and there just is this inner peace and tranquility that is beyond compare.

But this concept isnt a foreign one. So many of the worlds' religions preach forgiveness.....to "forgive those who trespass against us". But how many times are we able to witness this in our everyday lives? How many times are we able to lead by this example?

I certainly havent been able to. And it's not due to lack of trying. It's purely a matter of the intentions being strong, but the execution being weak and few things are as difficult to exorcise as pain and anger. It easily can infiltrate ones self and, as Bruce Springsteen says: "It'll take your God filled soul and fill it with devils and dust"

Forgiveness is not just a word, it's a matter of the heart....and art and beauty reside within this. This beauty needs example in order to thrive, it cannot merely be taught or given through dogma (although, I *believe* in the necessity of dogma). I just believe that we, as human beings, are creatures that need example in order to exist....to survive. Words dont strike us nearly as much as what we see others do.

Great acts of kindness and beauty spawn others.....it becomes artful replication, but sadly we do not have enough examples in our daily lives.

The reactions of the Amish to this tragedy has taught me that I need to look inwards a bit more for that inner strength that breeds beauty, which results in peace. They have proven that it can be accomplished, and the way they have done so, in the midst of such pain and sorrow is nothing less than a work of art.
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